Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Looking good, I mean. There’s nothing quite like spending time doing something with my hair, only to have it decide looking good isn’t really a thing its into.

Sometimes, man, sometimes I wish I were a big ugly fat fuck. I can hardly describe how much I long to wake up one morning equipped with sweatpants and a tshirt, and be good for the day. When did I first equip these sweatpants? I don’t even care. Look out world! Here comes big fat fucking Matthew in his sweatpants. He hasn’t even done his hair.