Have you heard? An online petition is calling for Bert and Ernie to get married.


It is hard to imagine there are people in this world who can so completely miss a point, but here we are.

Pete had this much to say:

“Why do they need to be gay anyways? Whats wrong with a couple of guys who just happen to have lived together for 50 years? Why can’t two grown men enjoy a bath together? What’s so gay about that? Do the petitioners know how hard it is to soap your own back? Bert and Ernie are just puppets anyway. Everyone knows puppets are asexual, Unsexual? There’s no such thing as a sexy puppet. There are sexy cartoon characters, like Jessica Rabbit, but no sexy puppets. Look at Miss Piggy. Its no wonder Kermit isn’t interested [Editor’s Note: Kermit loves Miss Piggy]. I don’t think its possible to be drunk enough to fuck that. You’d die of alcohol poisoning far before that would happen. I don’t care what Team America tried to tell us. Puppets don’t fuck. Plus those were marionettes and thats a french or german or european puppet of some sort and everyone knows those puppets are deviants. At the end of the day puppets aren’t real. They aren’t people like you or I. Puppets are soulless, demonic entities that imitate human life in order to mock us and try vainly to experience what its like to have a soul.”

For the record: Muppets do have souls and are people like you and I. Puppets might not, but Muppets definitely do.